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You are your own sun

I am dedicating this to all women in the world. I think women are magnificent creatures, I think women are powerful, I think women have been given the most amazing and sacred gift. I think women are beautiful.

The purpose of this, I don’t know what to call it; article or text or whatever, is to make sure that every woman out there remembers she’s exceptional. When life and society makes you forget your power, your intelligence and your worth, remember you are your own sun. You deserve the best, so claim it.

To the Girl

I am a girl. So, I know a little about the struggle of being one. Yes, it is a struggle. As a teenager, you are or will go through a lot. People always talk about the physical or hormonal changes. But I think the toughest change is happening inside your head. Society wants you to fit in a certain box to be « it ». You have to be skinny, you have to be popular, you have to have the highest grade, you have to date the captain of the football team. That’s when you’re « it ». Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying it’s impossible or wrong, I firmly believe anyone can do and be anything they want, if they put their soul and heart to it. So if that’s what YOU want to be? go for it. Don’t do it because « they » say that’s how it should be.

So to the introvert girl who doesn’t want to hang out after school: girl don’t. If your happy place is your room, a tree, under your bed or a chair facing the sea, so be it. It is your right to be happy. It doesn’t make you smaller than the girl who wants it all. You are an amazing soul, whether people can see it or not. Know it. Own it.

To the girl who wants to be coding all day all night, you’re a rock star: where would we all be without programmers? It is not a male’s field. Ain’t no such thing. You want to be running Microsoft? Create a cell phone that’s invisible? You go girl. Rock your talent.

To the girl who STILL doesn’t a have a boyfriend or a girlfriend at 16: how dare you question your beauty on such absurdity? It is nobody’s business. It is yours. Being single doesn’t make you ugly or weird. It does not make you a success or a failure. Dating can never be a goal. Trust me, there’s someone out there for you. Love will come, love will go, love is messy and never easy. Love comes in million ways. Enjoy your youth. Get out there, breath, enjoy being where you are. You are young, you are free, you decide what your future will be made of. You have your life ahead of you. You have tons of fights and broken-hearted stories awaiting. Until then, go on a trip, study your ass of for that university you want to attend. Give your heart and soul to that dance show you want to do. Go for a run. Live.

To the « not-skinny-enough » girl: eat that cake. Life is way too short to be eating salad all damn day. « No great stories ever started with someone eating a salad ». If you think you’re ugly, people won’t try to change your mind. They will applause you and make you feel worse. Own your body. You decide what YOU want to look like. You are beautiful. People will see you through your eyes. Allow them to see your beauty.

To the broken-hearted girl: keep standing. You will love again. You will meet other assholes. You will meet someone worthy of your love. Being cheated on or left doesn’t mean you’re not pretty enough, or smart enough or cool enough. I mean, Beyoncé got cheated on. Beyoncé! He cheated, he’s the crazy person here. He left, he wasn’t the one. It is okay. It will be okay. You will heal. You will love. You will be loved.

To the one who’s failing school: that shit ain’t easy my friend, and it’s not for everybody. If passing is your ultimate goal, ask for help. Asking for help does not make you stupid. Idiots are the ones who never ask for help. Keep fighting, change techniques, get a tutor. Do not give up. If it is not what you want, if school is not the path for you, believe in yourself enough to quit and start fighting for your dreams. It’s okay that people lack faith in you. But YOU have to have faith in yourself. Trust your guts. Fight for what you want to achieve.

To the one who dreams too big: If you can dream it, you can make it. As Marvin Gaye said “ain’t no other mountain high enough”. Well yeah, he wasn’t talking about your dreams, still, it applies. Ain’t no dream that’s too big. It is not a speech. I am not a politician. I am a believer. I believe there ain’t no mountain high enough to keep you from making your dreams come true. Ain’t no river wide enough to stop you from achieving your goals. It all starts and ends with you.

To any girl out there struggling because she doesn’t fit: remember, fitting makes you average. Do you want to be average? Do you want to be forgotten? If so, then keep trying to fit. If not, be yourself, embrace your difference. Believe in yourself. You are unique, it is a strength. Use it to shine.

To the student

I don’t know about you, but so far university has been the toughest stage in my life. I’m still in it. Still struggling. I have failed so many times I don’t even understand the concept of passing a class anymore. But I’m still here, i’m still fighting.

I’ve felt stupid, idiotic, shitty, unworthy. I’ve felt like a moron for the past 4 years. Yeah, university can do that to you.

But with time, I’ve come to realize I am not. I am not stupid. I am not a fool. I am not a moron. Failing doesn’t make me unworthy. Giving up does.

The struggle is real. But nothing exceptional is ever achieved easily. Keep fighting, keep trying, keep standing. It doesn’t matter if you fail 60 times. It doesn’t matter if you’re 27 and still don't have your degree. It does not matter. You do not give up. If getting that degree will help you accomplish your goals and dreams, do not ever stop. Don’t give up on yourself.

Great people didn’t become great by giving up. Ain’t no famous quitter. If you quit, you’re forgotten. You’re nobody. Keep chasing your dreams.

When you were little you had dreams, when you started university you had goals and ambition. Don’t give up on that dreamer. Don’t give up on that person who dreamt big.

It’s okay that your friends started working already. Be happy for them. You have your own story, your own life. You came in this world alone. You fought along with your mum to be in this world. It is your fight, your story. Don’t compare. Comparison is a poison.

Set goals. Work to achieve them. If you fail start again. Iterate till you get the work done.

Being phenomenal doesn’t mean you never failed. Being phenomenal means when shit gets though, you handle it. I’m not saying you fix it, or get it under control, i’m saying you don’t run away.

Being phenomenal means you get up every time life puts you down. Being phenomenal means, no matter what happens, no matter how many times you fail, no matter if others do better than you, you keep standing. No. Matter. What.

To the insecure girl/woman

I think every woman is insecure in her own way. Every human-being, actually. But being a woman, I think I have more insights about ours than men’s.

I am an insecure person. I was, and I think I will be. It’s a fact.

I am insecure about my thighs, my feet, my butt, my boobs, my lips, and I could keep going for another 50 lines.

But I want to say this to myself and to every other lady out there: nobody’s perfect. Perfection is not human.

I am saying this to myself and to anybody who relates: you’re an imperfectly perfect masterpiece. You are. I’m sorry if nobody ever told you that. You are beautifully flawed. You’re a blissful chaos. Love your stretch marks. They show what you’ve been through. They tell your story. Love your tiny butt. Love your outrageously big butt: if you fell on it, it got your back. Cherish your small boobs: you can sleep on them. Enjoy your size E: who doesn’t like warm fluffy pillows?

I think you got my point by now, right? If not, read that paragraph again. Insecurities can be about anything: teeth, fingers, skin tone, size, height…But it has one remedy: acceptance. Accept yourself. Nobody will do that for you. Embrace your body, love your difference. Cherish that uniqueness. And remember, you are bigger than your body. It is an envelope. Your body changes over time, you grow boobs, you get fatter, skinnier, you grow old. That envelope is forever changing. Take care of it. it is yours. Make it the best version it can possibly be. But don’t make it bigger than you. Don’t make it bigger than the human-being, the soul, the character. If you define yourself only by the look of your body, you’re diminishing yourself. You are more than a piece of meat.

There are these others insecurities you never tell anybody. The ones you don’t say out loud. Am I cool enough? Am I funny? Am I interesting? Am I intelligent? If you always reply no to those questions, you hang in there, I feel you. But you need to stop. Seriously.

Sometimes you feel like a person is too good for you, unless that person is your loving mum, stop there. You’re never too much or insufficient. As long as you’re being true to yourself, you are enough. You are magnificent. Focus on what you are. Work on being more kind, take more time to read, keep growing, keep trying to do and be better. Don’t diminish yourself, expand yourself, love yourself.

It is not being arrogant to recognize your own qualities. It is self-knowledge. To accept yourself you need to know yourself. Take a piece of paper. Write 20 bad things about you. Don’t punish yourself, you’re done with that. Acknowledge your flaws and work on yourself to be better tomorrow. Then write 20 good things about you. When you’re done, be proud of yourself for those qualities, and keep growing.

To the “slut”

So many girls have been called “whore”, “slut”, “hoe” for the most ridiculous reasons. Having sex on the first date makes you a whore. Sleeping with more than 2 men makes you a prostitute. Going clubbing every weekend makes you a questionable person. Drinking? Don’t you have morals?

It makes me angry. No, it makes me furious. Am I the only that is outraged by that? How is it empowering for a guy to be having sex with the whole team of cheerleaders, but diminishing for a girl?

I raise my glass to the slut. Salùd to the whore. Do not let anyone decide what your vagina should do. It is yours. Make it happy, take care of it. Cherish it. Society wants to put you in a box and requires you to be happy for having been given a box in the first place. Destroy the box.

Wearing a suit doesn’t make anyone a decent human-being. Your actions towards others define what kind of person you are. So to all my bitches: have another tattoo. Take that pole dance class. Add a piercing. Have that glass of wine. You deserve wine and orgasms. I wish you thousands of them.

To the one who feels belittled

There are going to be times when you will feel belittled. Either by another woman or a man or yourself. You might feel like maybe you’re not smart enough for this subject, maybe you weren’t born for this sport, maybe you’re not pretty enough to be on the spotlight, maybe you never were supposed to be n°1.

If you love what you’re doing, if you’re having the time of your life, you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. Struggling is okay, struggling makes you appreciate your success even more, struggling makes you stronger.

You’re not any smaller than you make yourself. What you believe is powerful. If you believe you can do it, you will. If you believe you’ll fail, then you will. Ever heard of the « self-defeating prophecy »? Basically, it says the following: If everyone believes something will happen, that thing is very likely to happen.

If you believe you will succeed, the universe will help you accordingly.

So trust your guts, trust that you are exactly where you were meant to be. You are supposed to be on that scene and shine. You are supposed to be in that room full on men giving them direction. You are supposed to be on the podium. You got your degree, you deserve your job. You’re smart enough.

I have heard countless times, that « women’s place is in the kitchen ». Well, I would correct that sentence: women’s place is wherever they’ve decided it to be.

I have so much respect for women who chose not to work and raise their kids. Being a parent is, to me, one of the hardest jobs on this planet. The smartest people don’t always succeed, the strongest people struggle giving the bottle to baby. It is not easy. To all the mothers out there, I give you my applause. Do not let society make you feel like you’re « just a mother », like you « don’t do anything meaningful ». Our mothers are warriors; they are the real heroes out there. I don’t know any obstacles, and I mean any obstacles, that my mother wouldn’t overcome for me. Shoutout to all those fabulous ladies making the world a better place. Thank you.

For those out there who have made it to the top and still feel like, or are programmed to feel like without a man they haven’t made it yet, remember this: you’re the main character of your life, you’re the director, you’re the editor. You choose what makes you happy. You choose to be happy. Nobody else. Be proud of yourself, you made it. The little girl that drew stars under her bed is flying a rocket. She should be proud; she should be happy. She is a whole. She doesn’t need anybody to « complete » her. She is complete. She is her own sun.

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