Virgin or Slutty Mojito

Now I know this topic will be raising more than one eyebrow, but mind you guys, this is not a “sexducation”. I am really just trying to answer questions I ask myself, and in doing so, maybe answer other people’s wonders.

Virginity is defined as the state of a person who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. Now, in many cultures and religions, it is considered sacred. However, this state of sacredness applies exclusively to women. You see, men’s virginity is hardly discussed and what it tells about them is completely opposite to what it tells about women. Whereas women’s virtue, worth, or self-esteem, depend a lot on whether their lady parts are a land where no man has gone before.

Why is that?

I tried to understand and asked questions around me. The most common answer I ever got was: why are you asking, should we be worried? Or you don’t need to know all that, you just keep your legs closed.

The most intriguing responses I got were: “If you’re married a virgin, your dowry will be very high” and “If you have sex before marriage you’ll never find a husband”.

It got me thinking. None of these reasons were related, on any level, to the woman’s worth. Yet, when a girl has sex before marriage she’s considered less virtuous. Families make sure to engrave in your mind, that if you ever do it before marriage, you will be considered promiscuous. Meaning, you will be called “easy”, “slut” or “debauched”.

I looked up the word virtuous just to be sure: “having a good moral, qualities and behaviour”. So I wondered: What does it have to do with sex? Does it mean that the moment you engage in intercourse, your qualities disappear? You’re left with no moral?

In the Bible, it is written in some verse, that a woman who was not a virgin before marriage, was bringing shame and dishonour to her family. It was believed that she was not pure anymore. Which led to me to another question: why didn’t it matter as much, that the man was also a virgin? Why him having sex before didn’t make him “impure”?

Lots of questions unanswered. So I tried to come up with my own answers.

From what I have heard and seen, virginity is a social booster in some countries. Meaning, your virginity has nothing to do with dignity, honour or worth. It is about what people will think of you. Many excuses are used to make you believe that the minute you have sex you’re worthless. Yet it doesn’t say anything about a man. Or maybe it says he is a stallion. But it never says he’s worthless for testing his engine before the race.

Therefore, the way I see it, you can either be the master of your mind, body and soul, or you can let people decide what social column you belong to. Respect is earned, dignity is not given or taken away, it is yours to culture. Your worth is defined by you and only you. Whether you want to have sex or not, is nobody’s business but yours.

Society doesn’t pay your bills; religion is a forever on-going debate. God closed this debate when He proclaimed He was the only judge. The way you treat yourself and others says everything about yourself. How many times you copulate, and with whom, says nothing about you. Murderers and pastors do it the same way. Is a virgin murderer worth more than the neighbour’s daughter who just had sex with her boyfriend? Maybe we’ll never know. But the way I take my Mojito, virgin or not, is only my credit card’s business.